If you’ve ordered a new boat, she’ll require a name. But how do you name your boat? At the very least, it must surely have some sort of meaning for you personally. Boats are not usually given male names, so for the male owner, the chosen name may perhaps say something about the women in his life; for example, his wife or mother. However, the new girlfriend might be unwise for the longer term.

Having said all that, female owners could, I suppose, try George or Fred. Or the name maybe gives a clue to your favorite place, like Iona, but not I imagine Scilly (see No joke, below). Or to your own character – Grumpy I like. The decision requires time, reflection, and debate with family and friends. 

Here Are Some Tips To Help You Name Your Boat

No Jokes

Do not, repeat not, make a joke out of the name. It may be funny once, or even twice, but after that, it becomes a bit tedious… like Rogue Trader, presumably belonging to a dodgy investment banker or Lump Sum for those who still have a pension worth collecting. Breaking Wind is plain rude – imagine saying that over the VHF when you want the coastguard to take you seriously! Aquaholic is another rather silly joke but very commonly seen. Puns are just as bad. We seem to be awash with them: Why Knot, Bee Cool, Broke Aweigh, Happy Ours, White Night or is it Knight? There’s Clew Less, Nauty, and – another banker’s joke – A-Crewed Interest. Clearly, puns have several spellings, which can be very confusing (see below).  

Keep it Short and Sweet 

Names must not be too long. Imagine spelling out Three Sheets to the Wind in an emergency. Some long boat names like “That’s what sea said” or “Moore often than Knot” will bring a smile to your face, but they are long and misspelled. You should avoid naming your boat like that.

Make It Easy To Understand

You must be able to pronounce the name clearly over the VHF. Starkle is very likely to be misheard as Sparkle, Kippa as Kipper, etc. In Scotland, Gaelic names are popular, such as Eilean (island) or Tràigh (beach) or Mòr (big) this or that. But because only about 1% of the Scottish population speak Gaelic, and those that do argue over pronunciation as well as spelling, this is maybe not such a good idea.

Avoid Phallic or Latin Phonetics

You must be able to spell the name phonetically over the VHF, so again Gaelic, for example, it would not be wise. Recently the people on the Island of Bute were embarrassed to discover that due to an unfortunate error, the sign on their pier welcoming visitors to Eilean Bhoid did nothing of the sort; it actually welcomed people to the Island of Penis. They had omitted a crucial accent – it should have been Bhòid. 

Spell It Like You Mean It

Avoid names with multiple spellings like Cathie, or is it Kathy or even Cathy? And Catriona, or is it Katrina? Extasie is bound to be misspelled as the much more common Ecstasy. In an emergency, you will want the coastguard to know exactly who you are, no messing about.

Enough With The Nonsense

Names which seem nonsensical may confuse, even irritate—for example, Sea Ptarmigan. Ptarmigans do not go to sea, at least not in the UK, where they live several thousand feet up Scottish mountains. Another nonsense would be calling a red-hulled boat Daffodil or Tormentil. And what are we supposed to make of Cos ‘A’ Kin Too?

Neither Funny Nor Clever

Don’t make silly mistakes while trying to be clever. Carpé Diem does not have an acute accent. Meaning ‘Seize the day’ It is Latin, not French. Avoid names that are incredibly common. I once had a boat called Calypso. How many of those are out there, I wonder? Apologies if I have offended any owners whose boat names I have mentioned (none of them are made up!). To make amends, I had better fess up to the name of my own boat. I thought Pickle was pretty straightforward, but even that has been misheard as Pickles on occasion. No name is perfect, but once it is emblazoned on the transom, there’s no going back.

How To Name a Boat – Summary

With all of the above points in mind, and after you actually, name your boat head over to amazon and get some nice lettering for your boat. You can either get some basic vilyn letters or go the extra mile and opt for some raized decals that will not cost you much more and look much better.